


To Lose Oneself

by WritingEverything



Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms, The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
Genre: Angst, Attempt at Humor, Developing Friendships, Drabble Collection, Enemies to Friends, Fluff, Gen, Memory Loss, Mild Gore, Other, Recovered Memories, Revali (Legend of Zelda) Being an Asshole, Selectively Mute Link (Legend of Zelda), Temporary Character Death, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, but link just misunderstands him, yeah so link is just NOT having fun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:47:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 8,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23626360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritingEverything/pseuds/WritingEverything
Summary: Most days, Zelda feels like she's talking with a ghost.*Snippets of the moments that made Link who he is today.
Relationships: Daruk & Link & Mipha & Revali & Urbosa & Zelda (Legend of Zelda), Link & Zelda (Legend of Zelda)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 171





	1. Prologue

* * *

Most days, Zelda feels like she's talking with a ghost.

Link refuses to utter a sound, still holds his silence, even after defeating Calamity Ganon. He still accompanies her wherever she goes, silently, even with her attempts to strike up conversation. It's a struggle to keep an exchange, and sometimes she wants to shake him, to pry the words out of his mouth. It reminds her of when they first met, when she directed her frustration and anger at him without remorse. He is just as indifferent, but she knew of the reason back then. These days, she's left in the dark.

She wonders if it's something she's done.

Link hasn't regained most of his memories, that much is clear. To forget who you were — the person who made you who you are today — must be torturous. Maybe if they could just _talk_ , if he could find the courage to break his silence, then things would be better.

But her own voice fails her, too, and she can't find it in herself to speak up. The rift between them grows by the day.

* * *


	2. Manipulation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The day when Link is chosen by the King.

* * *

There is a look of pride on his father's face, and Link briefly pauses to wonder if something good has happened. A higher rank among the knights would be nice, but it wouldn't be enough to match the expression his father has. Link sheathes his weapon, standing up straight as the older man approaches, and asks what's wrong.

The news reached his father's ears before his, and it's then that he learns who's been chosen as the princess' appointed knight. The King has summoned him, and his father pats him on the back before he leaves.

His sword weighs heavier. The whispers follow him, eyes digging into his back as he makes his way through the castle, until he reaches his destination. When he shuts the door behind him, it does little to block the noise out.

He gets down to one knee, bows in the presence of the King as he's taught, and doesn't get back up until he's told to. The King spares a glance his way, nods once in satisfaction and acknowledgement, and turns his gaze to the landscapes outside the window. The man is much more intimidating up close; he has an aura of authority surrounding him, backed up by his royal background. It makes his presence nearly overwhelming, and Link fights to keep himself still.

The King thanks him for coming, and orders him to stand. Link does so on unsteady feet.

"I will not drag this conversation out," he begins. "The stories of Calamity Ganon have been passed down, and I have no doubt that your father has told you of some of them." Link nods in confirmation, and the King continues. "But these are not simply legends and fairytales. There have been signs of Calamity Ganon's resurrection, and the Goddess Hylia has given us enough warnings.

"Do you remember the guardian you destroyed the other day?"

Something about the way he phrases that makes Link uneasy.

"Along with those machines, we have learned of a princess with a sacred power, along with a skilled knight that wielded the Master Sword, who have sealed Ganon away in the past. It is clear that we must follow our ancestors' footsteps if we are to defeat Calamity Ganon.

"My daughter, Zelda, is the one set to inherit this sacred power," the King pauses, turning to face him, "and the one to aid her in sealing away the darkness, is you. After seeing your courageous display the other day, I am certain you must be the one.

"This must come as a shock to you. I understand if you do not wish to hold such a responsibility, but as the one chosen by the sword — by Goddess Hylia — you have a duty to carry out. Without you, there is no hope of sealing Calamity Ganon away. Not only will our race be doomed, but the Zora, Goron, and Rito people as well. Hundreds of lives will be lost in its wake.

"On behalf of Hyrule, I ask that you fight alongside my daughter and the Champions, and do whatever it takes to annihilate Ganon."

There's more to the conversation, but Link must've zoned out and before he knows it, he's being dismissed. When he leaves the room, gently shuts the door behind him, his head is spinning. He moves past the servants, past the guards stationed throughout the castle, and makes his way to the training grounds. He needs some way to quell the shaking in his hands.

There is some truth to the King's words, certainly; as the one chosen by the sword, Link has an obligation. As soon as he wielded the weapon, maybe he should've expected this, should've known that gaining the Master Sword would seal his fate, one way or another.

* * *


	3. Burden

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Link has a lot on his mind during the Inauguration Ceremony.
> 
> Edit (05/09/20): This has been edited because a few points don't make sense. Nothing major, just a few tweaks here and there.

* * *

There are so many eyes upon him, digging into his back. He doesn't squirm under their gazes, but the silence in the room is deafening and it takes everything in him to keep still and facing forward toward. It gets easier as time goes on.

The King begins to speak, and Link attempts to control his breathing. He forces himself to listen to the King's words, to lose himself in the speech and the uniformity, no matter how stifling. He has to remind himself that this isn't only about him; it's about the other Champions, too, and the Princess, and Hyrule as a whole. He wonders if the other Champions are also feeling anxious, though he imagines that this ceremony is only serving to fuel Revali's ego.

He thinks back to when they first met, to Revali's harsh gaze as the rito scrutinized him, and part of him wants to punch that expression into nothingness. The rito seemingly idolizes the role of a saviour, desperate to prove himself to the world, to make his existence mean something.

Link wants to shake him, to tell him of everything he's done to get to this point; the countless hours of fighting, the trials and errors facing against the other knights, and the years of training that got him to where he is today. When he was younger he was handy with a weapon, sure, perhaps even blessed by the Goddess herself, but even he couldn't beat some adults. It didn't stop when he pulled the Master Sword out. After that came the expectations and the stares and the responsibilities that came along with the sword, and then the training to be more worthy of wielding it.

There is no base for Revali to criticize him. The rito must have faced his own hardships during his years, sure, though that doesn't give him the right to ridicule others. But Revali doesn't understand this, and Link doesn't want to spend the energy explaining it. So he lets the rito think whatever he wants of him.

He remembers all the times he's wanted to give up, to go back home, to sink back into another row of knights and blend in. He remembers getting back up the next day to train, to give another attempt at being fit to wield the sword. Looking back, he wonders what drove him to keep on trying, what possible reward he saw at the end of his struggle that would be worth so much effort.

" — nd together, protect our kingdom from the threat of Calamity Ganon."

The King concludes his speech, and Link recalls the conversation he had with the man in the past. He imagines all the lives that would be lost if Calamity Ganon were to roam free. There's too much at stake, not only for himself but for so many others.

His chest tightens up. He's scared, and rightfully so, but he steadily resolves himself. Hyrule doesn't need him to be scared; they need him to be brave, to be strong. So he'll accept this role, do his part, because he has to.

At least, it'll be nice to have the others to help him carry some of it. Though they have their differences, they're all working together towards a single goal, and he admires that.

He opens his eyes. The ceremony is over and everyone is dispersing. When he peers around the room, he catches Daruk's gaze, and the goron gives him a cheerful thumbs-up. Link's breathing calms.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little heads up, these are mostly just drabbles. The length of each one may vary, but they're all connected. Some may be rushed, some might not be. Please enjoy anyway!
> 
> *
> 
> Based on an Official BoTW Concept art, it involved a draft of Link with his father and a younger sister. This storyline didn't make it to the final release of the game, and I was going to include it here, but I decided to save it for later.
> 
> A reminder that this is from Link's perspective, so he views Revali different than, let's say, the players view him. Revali is a complicated character, so he's complicated to understand. But Link's perspective on Revali is not absolute.


	4. Anxiety

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Princess Zelda has a strong personality, Daruk says. Maybe a little _too_ strong for Link.

* * *

There's a constant humming in his head. He loses himself in it whenever it's too quiet, or whenever he loses sight of the princess, or whenever they cross into unfamiliar territory. Sometimes it's quiet, just a buzz under his skin that he can ignore if he tires. Other times it's a loud, unrelenting wail that drowns out the world around him, causing him to lose focus. it claws at his chest, sucks the oxygen out of his lungs, and he finds he can't breathe.

When those moments come, he retreats back into what he knows best: fighting. With practiced moves, he dances through the enemies, barely breaking a sweat. He ends up even more out of breath than before, and sometimes he thinks he's going to choke on his own spit, but it quells the screaming, turns it back into that quiet buzz. He can live with being a little out of breath every once in a while.

But even so, there are also moments where fighting isn't an option. Then, he's left to deal with the screaming in some other way.

One time it happens is when he travels to Goron City with the princess. She burns through everything, lit from the fire inside to prove herself, which burns hotter than Death Mountain. He follows her around, because that's his duty and responsibility. But she pushes him away, angry, always angry, and tells him to go and help Daruk.

He scratches his arm, rakes his blunt nails against the humming beneath his skin.

He tries to stay with her anyway, because Goron City is a dangerous place to those who don't live there, even with the aid of Fireproof Elixirs. But that doesn't deter the princess in the slightest. She brushes off the risks, ignores him trying to help, and goes off on her own.

And then the thoughts rush in, the ones that bring along every possible scenario that could harm the princess. He makes his way to Vah Rudania, feels the screaming dragging him down the entire journey, and nothing he tries to distract himself with pushes the horrid thoughts away.

The princess has a strong personality, Daruk later tells him. It's an attempt at advice, because anyone could see the tension between him and her from a mile away.

It doesn't help to block out the screaming, but he appreciates the Goron for trying.

* * *


	5. Paranoia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He hasn't slept for three days.
> 
> There — do you see it?

* * *

They cross into Gerudo territory later on.

Zelda has already been to Gerudo, escorted by her previous guards, but still, Link can't help but be on guard. After all, it's just the two of them this time, rather than a whole entourage of knights to watch over them. That, and he's only travelling there to pick up Zelda. For some reason he can't comprehend, she ran off without telling him, and the only reason he knows where she is now is because Urbosa had been kind enough to tip him off. 

It's incredibly frustrating, even more so terrifying, because he was ordered to stay by her side at all times, and he can't _do_ that if she continues to run off like this.

He loses himself amidst the humming in his head. It's worse this time around, since he hasn't slept for three days straight, and is running on the misplaced adrenaline coursing through his veins alone. Even when he finds Zelda and Urbosa, resting inside Vah Naboris, he stays awake, eyes scanning the vicinity, checking to make sure there aren't enemies still lurking. Though, Urbosa's lightning does well in warding off any unwanted visitors on its own.

Sometimes he thinks he sees things in the corner of his eye. A wooden club wielded by a Bokoblin, the shining shield of a Lynel, the signature curved-blade of the Yiga Clan. And behind those enemies is Zelda, running, always moving away.

Today, they're leaving the Gerudo Territory and trekking back to Death Mountain. The sun is bright, shining overhead, and the sandy path is swept up and about in the breeze. He trails a few feet behind Zelda, because this way he can see her and anyone that might be coming her way. He has her back, and he's quick enough to cover her front, too.

He checks behind himself three times.

He could care less about his own wellbeing, because he knows he's fast enough keep himself relatively safe. And yet something digs into his back, something that isn't there, and he wonders if he's always been this paranoid, always so irrationally anxious. 

He stops, and turns around.

There — he sees it. A flash of smoke, dissipating so quickly that when he catches it, he almost disregards it. But a single red piece of paper flutters in the wind. He watches it land, and he is almost giddy as he confirms he was right.

He turns back around, and Zelda is running.

There, he sees them. Every fear, every fabricated scenario his mind conjured up, it's all swarming around his head ceaselessly. He finds them in the monsters lurking about, the Hylians sworn to Calamity Ganon, the things that threaten Zelda's existence every day. This time, they take form in the lithe bodies of the Yiga Clan, their curved weapons, their malicious intents as they run after Zelda.

He's moving before he realizes it, feet rushing him forward to catch up.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, I'm not dead. more like, I'm starting too many other stories and forgetting about the ones I've started beforehand. whoops :D
> 
> I finally got around to writing for this again. I think I said before that these are related? I might just make them separated drabbles that loosely connect instead. it's easier that way.
> 
> Extra Notes: the shrines weren't open 100 years ago, and neither were the towers, so link actually has to travel around the world instead of teleporting. sucks to be him haha.


	6. Suppression

* * *

"Why don't you speak?"

Link jerks back, blinking owlishly.

The question doesn't quite reach him right away. Rather, she has to repeat it a second time for it to sink in.

He doesn't know what their relationship is, exactly. She's the princess of Hyrule, and he is her appointed knight, set to protect her from all danger. Beyond that, however, he is lost.

Zelda evades him ruthlessly; she gives him the cold shoulder, takes her anger out on him at every turn, and his silence just seems to add fuel to the flames. She doesn't seem to understand him, and doesn't even try. 

Link wonders if he's mistaken on that last part.

Zelda taps him on his knee, the gesture so gentle it's almost foreign. The sun is setting, the desert around them cooling down, and Link leans against the wall of the stable, taking in the restless shuffling of the horses, of the fire crackling from the torches around the room. It gives him something to grasp onto in this unfamiliar situation.

"Link, are you unable to speak?" Zelda rephrases the question.

He lifts his head up, one hand brushing against the hilt of his sword by habit. His blue eyes meet her green ones, and he wonders what must've pushed her to ask such a question after all this time, after days of vigorous research and travelling, where they barely exchanged words with one another.

"Link?" she prompts.

He tries to locate the dividing line between feigned curiosity and genuine interest, and finds that there's no ill-intent behind her prying gaze. 

He slowly lifts his hands up. 

_I can speak._

His hands move swiftly, dancing with fluid motions that would be confusing to most, but as Zelda follows the movements, he can see the gears shifting in her head, recognition filtering into her widening eyes.

"Oh," she mutters, not unkindly, "I see. Then why are you so quiet?"

He reaches for something to say, but even in place of his tongue, his hands fail him, too. They hover uselessly in front of him, weighed down by so many things that he can't possibly put into words.

He bows his head, one hand clenched into a fist, circling it around his chest.

_I'm sorry._

"You don't have to tell me," Zelda starts, frowning slightly, but he waves away her concern. He thinks about the princess that used to push him away, angrily, always angry, and finds that he likes this new version better. This version that isn't running, but confronting the issue head on.

Slowly, he finds his resolve, and lifts his heavy hands back up again.

 _There is a lot at stake,_ he begins. _Not only on me and you, but on the other Champions as well. If the people see us faltering, even just a little bit, they'll lose faith; they'll lose hope._

He scrambles for more words that don't come so easily.

_We hold the morale and future of Hyrule in our hands. So as the one chosen by Goddess Hylia, until Calamity Ganon falls, I will hold my silence. Until we defeat him, I have to stay strong and bear whatever challenges come my way without wavering._

There's so much more he could say, so much more he _should_ be saying, but he can't gather the strength to continue. His hands fall limply on his lap, and Zelda glances down at her own.

"I'm sorry, too," she speaks up, suddenly, and Link slowly turns his head toward her. "I assumed the worst of you, and because of that, I have treated you harshly."

He waits.

"I know that there is no excuse for my treatment towards you thus far," she continues. "But after today's incident with the Yiga Clan, I realized that I was being childish all this time. And even so, you protected me without hesitation."

She looks at him, and he doesn't know what she sees, but suddenly she's smiling. It's a rare sight, privy to only her research and her close friends, yet here he is, sitting audience to one of them just like that.

It's then that he realizes he's smiling, too. His lips, tugged up slightly to form a small grin that's barely even there. He didn't catch it, but she did.

"Shall we call it a truce?" Zelda asks, her smile shifting to something more subtle. "I want to talk with you a bit more. I misunderstood you all this time, so . . . I'd like to make up for it."

He nods, and for some reason, he feels light.

* * *

They dance around each other for a little longer, before they find a rhythm they can fall into. Zelda is nicer, more patient. She strikes up more conversations than usually, and when he can't fill in the gaps, she easily does it for him. Sometimes she forgets herself, pressing him a little too forcefully for an answer. He can't blame her though. 

But that doesn't mean he's breaking his silence. 

And even if he wanted to, he can't. Every feeling he's swallowed back for the past few weeks clogs his throat, burning his lungs and chest, killing the words before they're even on his tongue. Zelda helps, her presence slowly turning from malicious and tiresome to something pleasant, but it's not enough.

So instead, whenever they're in town, he points out cookbooks with new recipes for them to try. He stops them near meadows, filled with flowers that Zelda's been secretly researching on. He teachers her how to soothe her horse, how to build a steady relationship of understanding between them. He's silent when she rants, spilling all of the demons that plague her, teaching her the importance of letting others know how you feel.

He shows his gratitude through his actions, all in the place of things he can't say.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh, not updating for almost four months and then suddenly appearing again? it's more likely than you think ;)
> 
> I never thought I'd get back to finishing this, but something about unfinished works sitting on my dashboard makes me mad so yeah. I'll try to finish this soon :)
> 
> Extra Notes:  
> \- here, have some nice bonding moments. it can't be ALL angst (I could be that cruel, but I've saved that for another story).
> 
> \- link can speak, but he resorts to sign language (specifically ASL, because that's what I learn). or would it be called HSL (Hylian Sign Language lol)?
> 
> \- just because they apologized in shit, doesn't mean everything's okay now. they still got their own problems, so, I'm still gonna fuck with them. :D


	7. Reclusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Link sways forward, and as the Guardian rounds on them, she realizes this was everything she was running from.

* * *

They stumble this way and that, doing their best to avoid the Guardians littered everywhere they look. They avoid confrontation when they can, fight when they can't, but most of the time it's the latter. The only thing Link is focused on is getting Zelda past the sturdy walls of Fort Hateno, and nothing else.

Zelda is crying half of the journey there. Perhaps it's the fatigue, emanating from the strain on her muscles as he drags her through forests and flames and ruined towns. Or maybe her mind is wandering back, drifting to the Divine Beast and their friends trapped inside.

His steps falter, stumbling over one another, and Zelda grips his hand tighter.

 _Not now,_ he tells himself when Mipha's kind smile appears in his mind, when Daruk's boisterous voice and Revali's trademark scoff and Urbosa's hefty laugh echo in his head. _Leave me alone,_ he tells them, because Zelda is already grieving enough for the both of them and he can't afford to let his focus wander, even for a second.

So he throws himself into the enemies, clears a path through them, fights and fights and keeps on fighting until their voices fade away, until the humming under his skin ceases. He pushes everything deep down, under the goal of protecting Zelda, under the weight of securing Hyrule's future.

But even then, he can still hear them. The voices return later, spilling out of the recesses where he has hidden them.

By the time Fort Hateno appears in their sight, Link is gasping for air that won't come. More Guardians, more fighting, more struggling.

And then, he falls.

* * *

Ever single bad scenario she had conjured up — every bad thing that the Goddess could possibly throw their way — is coming true; Calamity Ganon rose, her powers haven't awaken in time, and everyone across Hyrule, allies and enemies alike, are being faced with the possibility of the end.

The Guardian stares them down as it stalks forward.

"Link, save yourself!" she desperately yells over the deafening sound of whirling machinery and crackling flames. She tugs at his tunic, panicked, terrified and mournful at the same time. "Go!"

Link only readjusts his grip on his sword, unwavering.

"I'll be fine! Don't worry about me!" she says. 

She can hear his laboured breaths, shaky and gasping, loud and clear even through the overwhelming roar of the battlefield surrounding them.

"Run!" she screams, one last time.

But as Link staggers back up, cruelly ignoring her, she realizes that her own feet have been stepping back instead. Already, they're preparing to take flight, knees bent and ready to sprint at a moment's notice, and that's when it hits her; the overwhelming feeling of helplessness and frustration, her inability to do nothing but hide behind others.

Link sways forward, and as the Guardian rounds on them, she realizes this was everything she was running from. Every little fear she has kept inside, behind towering walls of doubt and insecurities.

She doesn't know what compels her to move forward, to shove Link behind her, to raise her hand in defiance of the Guardian looming before them. All she knows is that she can't stay back any longer, can't hide behind her research or the backs of others while they do all the work for her. 

Resolve without any actions taken means nothing.

A blinding light emanates from her palm, a peculiar triangular symbol hovering on the back of her hand, and as everything stops for a few seconds, Zelda thinks that perhaps her father was right to a certain degree; he was pushing her onto the right path, pushing her into taking action, because doing things only for herself and her interests wasn't going to unlock this power.

Everything she was working towards for so many years, everything her father was pushing her to become, it's all led up to this terrifying moment.

The Guardian falls, and Link follows shortly after.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Extra Notes:  
> \- this chapter is dedicated to both Link and Zelda. while this story is meant to focus mainly on link, I also wanted to include the other characters as much as possible (especially Zelda). and plus, awakening her power was a big moment in the game, so I couldn't resist adding it here too. FUCK it was so cool when she unlocked the power, that scene was awesome. she also had all three pieces of the triforce light up, which seems to mean that she has all three pieces?? idk I gotta replay the other games soon.
> 
> \- Zelda's dad was kinda a dick, but his actions and thought process are understandable when you really look at it. in the end, Zelda was distracting herself with researching the divine beast and the guardians instead of working on her own to unlock the power. but she's also been training for many years, so it also makes sense as to why she's frustrated with her dad pushing her so much, even after all the time she's already spent training thus far.
> 
> \- next chapter, we're jumping back to the future.
> 
> \- I said about two chapters ago that these are separated drabbles that loosely connect. scratch that, these are all totally connected.


	8. Panic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He's failed the entirety of Hyrule, King Rhoam, and most of all, he's failed Princess Zelda.

* * *

When he comes to, he's covered in sweat.

The worst part about it isn't that he's essentially naked, nor the fact that he doesn't recognize where he is. It's not the unknown liquid slowly draining out from under him, or the rough edges of the surface he's on, or the glowing device in the corner of the room.

Rather, the worst part about it all is the horrid feeling at the back of his throat.

It sits heavy on his tongue, bitter-tasting and reeking of regret. The aftertaste leaves behind a desire for something good, something hopeful. He doesn't know what it is, nor why he feels so bad, or why he feels there's something dark trailing behind him with each step he takes.

It's later on when he can finally put a name to it.

He meets King Rhoam — the name leaves something sour in his chest, one he can't place — and he's reintroduced to Calamity Ganon. He's told the tale of a princess and her warriors, of beast and magic, of the downfall of a kingdom that was seemingly so great. When the King gets to that part of the story, where the Calamity strikes back and turns the tables in one fell swoop, that's when he recognizes the burning sensation in his throat:

The sense of failure.

Already, the feeling is so familiar. It's carved a place in his body just for itself, made a home in his chest. Like a friend would, it slept with him for all these years, stayed by his side until he was ready to wake up and face the consequences of his incompetence. It's the harsh truth, one that he doesn't want to hear but needs to.

He's already failed once. He's failed the entirety of Hyrule, King Rhoam, and most of all, he's failed Princess Zelda. Maybe this is his punishment now; stripped of his memories, left to pick up the pieces of a world that he broke. A newborn, already tainted with darkness.

He can't fail anymore. He won't. 

Whether it be stubbornness or bravery, whether it be a selfless decision or an obligation to fulfill his past goal, Link steadies himself and starts on his journey for Kakariko Village.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did y'all encounter that one yiga clan traveller that talked about when Link first woke up? I did, and it freaked me the fuck out. the traveller talked about the shrine of resurrection in perfect detail, and that shit was mad creepy.


	9. Hopelessness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings: Graphic Descriptions of Violence, Gore.

* * *

Hearing Mipha's gentle voice sparks something in him. Soothing and calm, she guides him through Divine Beast Vah Ruta, and he can imagine her smile when he clears the rooms of Ganon's presence. Even though he barely remembers her — has only that one memory to go off on — he understands that they used to be close, and that knowledge is enough to comfort him.

Then he faces Waterblight Ganon, and wonders how she could've faced this monstrosity 100 years ago and still sound as composed as she is right now. Actually no, that isn't right; even now, he can hear the fear that laces her voice, the way it shakes as she no doubt looks upon Waterblight Ganon like he is.

That should be concerning in itself. But Link has no choice here. He has to keep going, has to keep fighting. He's running on the adrenaline of recovering part of his memories, of fighting alongside Sidon, of hearing Mipha's voice throughout Ruta. He's running on the desire to prove Muzu wrong, the desire to redeem himself in the eyes of the people he was once close to. And maybe that's more concerning than anything, because this isn't about him. It shouldn't be.

His weapon weighs heavy in his hand. Mipha's words ring at the back of his head.

Link holds his breath, staring down the ugly mass that makes up its face and body, and when he lets it go, time moves forward again. His feet splash in the water, echoing loud and clear in the spacious room as he rushes forward.

He can barely call it a fight.

He doesn't quite manage to dodge the spear. It slashes forward at an alarming speed, and his stomach lights up with pain. Blood paints his Champion Tunic, dripping down his pants, mixing in with the water below and turning it red. He places a hand against his stomach, and it makes a _squelching_ noise as crimson stains his hands and are those his _guts_ —

His legs give out and he lurches forward into the water. Waterblight Ganon roars in his ears, a spine-chilling and deafening cry, and Link amuses himself, thinking that Mipha should speak so he can die with her voice in his head rather than a monster's.

* * *

He does better on his second try.

He doesn't win, but he does better, and that's all that matters. Improving a little bit at a time, until he can beat all the enemies in his path. As soon as he comes to, standing right before the room with Ruta's core, he's rushing back in, weapon already in hand. He doesn't spare any mind to what just happened ( ~~he died, he's pretty sure he died, right?~~ ), because he can't afford to let his focus slip, even for one second.

He hops over the spear this time. He gets close, uses a spear of his own to reach up and strikes the sharp tip into the luminous blue orb that he assumes is an eye. The monster wails again, the sound rattling his core, and it's just as distracting as it sounds agonizing. Then it disappears, and as Link turns around, the beast is already on the opposite side of the room, hurling the spear. Link throws himself to the side, but he's not fast enough, and the glowing spear slams into his legs.

His scream lodges itself in his throat and he only manages a choked-off sound. His left leg, above the knee, now a jagged stump dripping with red. Almost a clean cut that spear did — sliced through his skin first, then the bones — but aimed crudely enough that it nicked his right leg, too, rendering it useless. 

He falls, and the water rushes to meet him once again.

* * *

He thinks about the zora girl that lingers near the river, a bottle in hand, dreaming about the person on the receiving end of her love.

It must be nice, he thinks, when all of your attention is focused on things such as romance, entertainment, or which earring goes with which necklace. A simple life, where they don't have to worry about monsters because they leave those issues to people Link. 

He's doing this for them. He's doing this for Hyrule. He's doing this for Mipha, and Zelda.

He tumbles off his ice block, and his head collides with the rocky platform behind him. He goes blank for a second, losing all control of his limbs, and when he comes to, the spear is aiming for his head again.

His thoughts stray back to the zora girl by the river, to Sidon and the King, to all the lives threatened as long as Vah Ruta remains untamed. He sees himself in the hopelessness that hangs over the elders' heads, in the people that he used to know. They're the people he could've been in another life. But there will be nothing left if he gives up now.

One step at a time.

* * *

He leaves Vah Ruta. He gathers more supplies — better weapons, food, and armour — and rests for another night. He prays to the Goddess for more strength, more energy to make it through the fight. Then he tries again.

And he dies once more.

 _One more try,_ he tells himself, like the next one will be the last. It isn't, usually never is, but he needs that little push more often than not. False hope, people call it. 

He wonders if Mipha has given up on him yet. Over time, her voice has faded; the only time he ever hears her speak anymore being a muffled gasp or a cry of outrage whenever he falls. 

_One more try,_ he tells himself.

* * *

_"Please, find the person who picks up this letter," the zora girl — Finley — says. "Okay?"_

_Link wonders when this became his new hope, the pushing force keeping him moving forward. Sometimes he wants to go back to the Shrine of Resurrection and see if he can knock himself back to sleep._

_It starts off small enough._

_A hylian kid looking to see the type of weapons across Hyrule. Clearing out the bokoblin in the area to secure a nearby stable's safety. A zora girl looking for true love._ _Aside from the burdening reminder of rescuing Zelda and defeating Ganon, he keeps himself going with these trivial tasks, with these quests from people he doesn't even know._

_He hasn't helped them yet, he tells himself. He can't back down now._

__Bit by bit, these become his crutches._ _

* * *

It's bittersweet when he wins.

He sinks the arrow into the eye, and when Waterblight Ganon falls, Link is upon it instantly, swiftly switching to a sword and bashing its head in, over and over. _This is the last time,_ he tells himself, even when it still sounds like a white lie to him.

When the monster explodes in a burst of light, the euphoria that fills him is dulled. When the monster disappears, when Mipha disappears, when the King is finished congratulating him and he is finally alone, he chokes and his legs give out from underneath him.

His knees clank against the ground harshly, but the pain barely registers over his muscles that are already aching and screaming, over the air that refuses to get past the lump in his throat. It's over and he can't finally rest now, he's rescued Mipha's spirit and gave closure to her family and friends, yet the feeling in chest still gnaws at him. He searches for satisfaction and finds none, nothing but the feeling of certain ruin on the path he's on.

 _Have hope,_ something inside him says, sounding suspiciously like a certain zora princess. _You are everything this world as left. Even if there's nothing left, you must have hope._

Clutching the Lightscale Trident closer to his chest, Link gets back on his feet.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gore/violent scenes aren't my speciality, and it probably never will be, but writing it is good for practice! you'll never get better at something if you don't try.   
> 
> 
> Extra Note:  
> -everyone has died at least once before making it to their first divine beast, don't lie. but for the sake of this drabble, Link hasn't died once before arriving at Vah Ruta. there, mipha's spirit heals him every time he dies.
> 
> -lmao imagine link fighting Thunderblight Ganon. that fight was so hard, link's gonna die so much more then.
> 
> \- it shouldn't be all serious and shit. link's personality is going to be fundamentally different now that he lost all his memories. I tried to show that in the interaction with the Zoras, specifically that girl by the river with the bottle and shit. before, Link was solely focused on Zelda and protecting her, nothing else. but now, while he's still focused on his mission and shit, his attention is also divided among the people of Hyrule.
> 
> \- classes are starting soon, so I'm trying to put out as many chapters as I can (I have all the remaining chapters planned out already, I just gotta write them). overall, there should be 18 chapters in total, counting the ones already published.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed! Feedback and criticism is welcomed!


	10. Regret

* * *

He finds himself wandering the ruins at night.

(Sometimes the location matters, but most times, they're all the same. Over time, they blend together. There's no point in even trying to differentiate them.)

There's a certain kind of tranquillity that comes with the barren landscapes, devoid of civilization. It combines with the silence and the stillness, like a snapshot of a moment in time, until he can convince himself that he is the only living person in the whole world.

He places one hand against the jagged wooden beams, traces the lines that have dug themselves in. If he tries hard enough, he can see glimpses of what used to be there; a house, a family, a dinner table in the middle of the room with feasts big enough to feed two or three houses. Or maybe a shop, overflowing with supplies and travellers, each object and person having their own story to tell to the world.

He breathes out a sigh, his breath visible in a puff of white smoke. Just like everything else, it's quick to disappear.

The moon howls and he draws his hand away from the wall. He looks out around him, finding nothing but ruin and destruction in place of the familial scene he was searching for.

The cold night air sinks into his bones, so deep, so unnerving, that for a moment he can slip into the shoes of an outsider, of those whose bones are buried six feet under. They scatter this land, unrecovered, only a few of the living brave enough to approach their burial grounds. He's not one of those brave few, no. He's not here by choice; the voices of the dead have called him here, unwilling to relinquish their hold, even for a moment.

He's standing in the middle of a burning country. Everyone screams for his help, unaware that he carries the title of a murderer on his back.

He sees blazing flames consuming buildings whole. He sees people screaming, knights and civilians alike, all trampled upon and killed by the whirling machinery that they once trusted and called their own. 

It's like being stuck behind a door. On the other side is safety, freedom, the future they are all fighting for. Except the door is affixed to the wall, immovable. No matter how many times he pushes at it, it doesn't give. He's forever shut out of what waits beyond it.

The voices urge him to open it, and he does. He tries to, throws himself against the door until his shoulder becomes numb with the effort. He remembers a time when the door wasn't closed, when the opening was his to walk through; a clear path towards the goal they're all moving towards. Slowly, bit by bit, the door swung close while he was sleeping all those years. He missed his chance, and now he's paying for it.

He didn't mean to go. He didn't mean to leave. He tells this to the voices, but they don't care. They all clamour for his attention. The only way out is the door. Affixed to the wall like a decoration.

Every second that passes, the door grows less and less likely to open.

Every second that passes, he grows more numb, shoving himself against the wood, again and again, praying that one of these moments will be the last.

Every second that passes, someone behind that door dies.

 _Let me back in_ , he begs.

 _Open the door yourself,_ they say.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Extra Notes:  
> \- by ruins, I'm referring to the ones mainly around and nearby Hyrule Castle (the destroyed villages and such).
> 
> \- ngl, I kinda like this one for some reason. I worked on it while I was supposed to be listening in class, so maybe that's why. fuck school. but also stay in school kids.


	11. Guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hypocrite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Featuring the Zora Prince, Sidon, and the Chief of the Gerudo, Riju.

* * *

He remembers them.

They weren't a family, not even friends, really. He wants to believe they were all close, wants to play into the little fantasy that whispers companionship and comfort, though he knows that isn't true. Still, that knowledge doesn't sour the fact that they all had similar beliefs, that they were all fighting for the same goal.

The guilt is splitting him in two.

It reminds him of this old tale he once heard ( ~~he can't remember where he heard it from, just that he knows it. perhaps a familial figure, but all that comes to mind is nothing~~ ). The story of two wolves, and depending on which one you feed, they grow bigger. Except this time, there is no good or evil. Both wolves are overwhelming guilt, threatening to consume him whole.

One wolf chooses to hide behind sadness and repression. It's silent nights filled with restless sleep, the moments after recovering memories where his legs refuse to work, tears privy to only the quietest of moments where no one else can hear.

The other one hides behind anger, behind frustration, translating their grief into pain to fuel their rage further. It howls loud and clear through the way he fights, barrelling through every enemy until even his weapons fail him, healing only when he needs to, spending days fighting through monsters he knows he's not ready to face yet.

 _Your fault,_ one wolf hisses. _You weren't paying attention._

 _No, it's your fault,_ the other one says. _It was your job to protect her._

Slip.

Thud.

Then nothing.

And now they're all gone.

 _Because of you,_ one wolf says.

 _Because of you!_ the other snaps back.

Link chokes on air, forgetting how to breathe.

* * *

"Guilty?" Sidon echoes.

He swims closer to the ledge, and now Link can see the concern on the prince's face, in the way the corners of his mouth twists, the lines in his forehead when he narrows his eyes.

 _Do you ever feel bad about something?_ Link repeats, hands moving much slower to enunciate each word. _As though the guilt is splitting you in two, and you feel like you can do nothing to change that._

Sidon lays his hands on the ledge, leaning forward to rest his head where his arms cross. The conversation feels almost taboo, even a little insulting with everything that's going on, but Link feels compelled to ask.

Sidon is quiet, letting the sunlight permeate him fully, before saying, "Why do you want to know?"

Link doesn't respond to that, just repeats his question, and Sidon doesn't quite mask the confusion this time. But what Link initially thought was concern turns out to be something else; distress.

"Don't you think the domain looks beautiful without the rain, Link?" the Zora prince suddenly says. Link blinks at the abrupt shift in conversation. "Before you came, we struggled every day to even _stall_ the divine beast. Our people were in constant danger, from our fighters struggling to keep up the assault on Ruta, to maintaining our trading routes with the sudden increase of monsters. Every day was an effort to keep everyone floating.

"And then," his gaze lands on Link, "you came along."

The Hylian tilts his head, waiting for the Zora to continue.

"I suppose that I do feel guilty, to answer your question," Sidon says after a moment of pause. "The role of leadership is often a difficult one. With everything that's been happening recently, regarding Ruta and Calamity Ganon, my people have been turning to me for guidance."

_But what about that makes you feel guilty?_

Sidon blinks a few times, before hiding his face in his arms. "I suppose it's a . . . feeling of disappointment? Disappointed that I'm not what my people need me to be, I mean," he struggles to explain, voice slightly muffled against his skin. "We all tried our hardest against Ruta, that much is certain, but we couldn't do a thing. Then you come along, and in the span of a few days, you singlehandedly solve most of our problems."

Link resists the urge to frown.

Sidon then flinches back, as though he was poked with a shock arrow, when he realizes the implication of his words. "Oh no, not to say that we don't appreciate your efforts, because we do!" he says. "It's because of your valiant actions that my home is saved from being swept away! With all my heart, I thank you once again."

Sidon's charming smile appears, as if to soothe the burn of the previous words, and Link resists the urge to frown again. So quick is the Zora prince to switch from one mood to another, sometimes Link can't tell if every emotion displayed is genuine or not. He feels idiotic when the familiar sense of distrust rises in his chest, the same feeling whenever he encounters the Yiga Clan, disguised as travellers.

 _It's fine,_ he says anyway, and watches as Sidon visibly relaxes at the reassurance. _Are you okay?_

Just as quick, the prince tenses up once more. He glances away, seemingly fighting to keep his expression blank, but ultimately failing.

"It's just that," he starts, trailing off, before finding his footing. "You and my older sister, Mipha — you are very similar. You both have a way of working through and solving problems without fail. It's admirable, and — and very frustrating, because I envy that kind of skill."

The Zora prince rubs the back of his neck, grinning sheepishly. "My people, they care for me dearly, and they expect me to do great things. Yet I have to rely on the help of an outsider — and please don't take offence to that — to fix our problems."

 _Needing help doesn't make you weak,_ Link tells him. Sidon huffs out a laugh and shakes his head, as though there is something Link is misunderstanding.

There is a brief moment of silence, before the Zora gestures in the general direction of the domain.

"My sister, Mipha, she was a natural-born leader," he begins, nostalgia replacing the self-conscious tone previously held. "If anyone deserved the throne, it was her.

"She was everything I strived to be. Even now, after all these years, her presence still lingers. My people still speak of her skills — of her kindness and determination — as though she just walked by.

"It sounds silly, but when I think about her, and about you, I feel inferior," he admits. He sounds surprisingly collected, but then he giggles, high and breathy, revealing his anxiety. "I feel as though, when it's my turn to take the throne, I won't be what my people need. That is why, when I look at you and all that you have done for my people, I feel frustrated, because you have a strength that I don't have."

Link raises his hand, ready to refute Sidon's claims, but the prince waves him off. Once again, like flipping a switch, the grin returns to his face.

"I'm sorry, Link, I got carried away there!" he exclaims. "I think I just miss my sister, Mipha. I loved her dearly, and I still do. Though it's been one hundred years, I can still remember her voice."

Link wonders if Mipha is watching them right now.

Sidon hums. "I want to step up confidently when I am given the throne, but I think that part of me is afraid. Part of me is terrified that I won't be able to become the leader my sister saw in me.

"But!" the prince suddenly cries out, sitting up. "I can't think like that! Because my people wouldn't _want_ me to think like that!" He turns to Link, eyes shining with determination, reminiscent of the same burning drive that Mipha carried.

_Can you tell me how to do that?_

"Do what?"

_How to think like that. You're very positive._

Sidon beams. "Thank you for your kind words," he says first. "Ah, and, sometimes I get lost in my thoughts, and I think all the responsibilities in the world fall on my shoulders. But then I remember I'm not alone, and that I don't have to carry this burden on my own, because I have my people with me. They're supporting me every step of the way, no matter if I may think otherwise."

That's not the answer Link was looking for, admittedly. He was looking for something more solid, like the reminder that they were ultimately alone in the end, and it didn't matter how many people were supporting them, because at the end of the day, it was just going to be them facing whatever burden was awaiting them. This was their responsibility to bear.

That's what he's telling himself, anyway.

"Er, I hope my answer satisfies you, Link!" Sidon he exclaims, taking Link's silence as the cue to end their conversation. Animatedly, he throws his arms up into the air, unintentionally sending water splashing everywhere. If Link wasn't so distracted by the liquid hitting his face, he would've caught the embarrassed flush across Sidon's cheeks, painting his face the same colour as the rest of him.

 _It does, thank you for answering them,_ he says, the gratefulness exclusive to his hands alone.

Sidon ducks his arms back under the water, kicking his legs just enough to keep him afloat. The water around them calms, and when Link clears the water from his face, he finds Sidon staring at him. His gaze is prying, searching for something. And while Link doesn't know what it is he's searching for, he doesn't want to give him the satisfaction of finding it.

"I don't think I've ever seen you smile," the prince mutters, blank expression morphing into a frown.

Oh.

"Wait, Link, do you not know how to? It's rather simple, actually — there are muscles in your face, and you have to use them — "

Link waves his hands around to get the Zora's attention. _I know how,_ he says simply. Sidon stares at him, expectantly, and neither of them moves for a moment.

". . . okay," the prince mutters, slowly. "That's — that's good! I learned a new thing about you today!"

Link nods.

"Uh, is there anything else you want to know, Link?" Sidon asks.

Link shakes his head.

"Is — is there anything else you want to say?"

He shakes his head again, and Sidon relents.

"Okay then, well, if you ever find yourself faced with a difficult situation, I ask that you talk to me, Link," the Zora says. "After all, you've become a very dear friend to me! And I would like to return the favour for today!"

While he is considerably loud, his tone is oh-so kind and compassionate, an echo of Mipha's personality. Link wonders why Sidon would even question his abilities, when it's clear that he'll be ready when his time comes.

* * *

"I think of guilt as a sign that you are learning," Riju says. "When you look back and reflect on your past actions, and when you regret certain choices you made, it proves that you are a different person from who you used to be."

Link hums, confirming that he heard her. His hands are busy at the moment, focused on threading a needle through the fabric of Riju's sand-seal, careful not to tear the stuffed animal any further.

"If you don't do anything, you will make the same mistake, over and over again," Riju goes on. "Sometimes, I look back on my actions in the past, and what I thought back then was the right decision, I realize now was foolishness. But then, that leads to wondering what I could have done better. And instead of doing nothing, I am now learning from that mistake."

It's a wonder why the Gerudo used to doubt her, because all Link can see right now is the strength and wisdom of ten rulers rolled into one. A little rusty around the edges maybe, a little too optimistic regarding certain topics, but she's not the worst leader Link has come across.

Riju watches him intently as he works, following every minuscule movement, but she doesn't lose track of her train of thought. Eventually, he finishes, and gently hands the stuffed animal to her.

"Ooh, it's perfect!" she gushes, looking as happy as the child she should be.

She restrains herself just enough to refrain from snatching it out of his hands, instead respectfully waiting until he places it in hers. Immediately, she cradles the stuffed animal to her chest, hiding her face against the soft fabric of the toy. Link tries to keep his heart from swelling at the sight.

Then, when she pulls back, her eyes are hard, jaw set, mouth pulled into that deceptive smile.

"Thank you for your help," she says, all of a sudden formal, losing all sense of that childlike demeanour. "I hope our conversation was of use?"

Link just nods, unheeding the shift in moods, and Riju allows a bit of satisfaction to seep into her expression. But as he moves to help her put away the sewing supplies, his Hans hover, hesitatingly. 

Riju, of course, notices this. "Is there something else you need?"

Link runs through her words in his head, before directing the attention to his hands. _Is guilt not a bad thing?_

"Why do you ask?"

_You make it seem like it's not._

"No, it is," Riju says, "but only if you let it be."

Link tilts his head, questioning.

"Guilt can be overwhelming at times, but you aren't defined by it," she explains. "I like to think that you have two choices; you can either chose to let it break you apart, hiding behind the excuse that you can't do anything about it, or you can learn to understand it, and find a way to heal you both.

"Only you can decide to be whole again."

 _You're very smart,_ he points out.

Riju smiles, pleased, yet there's a touch of something else in it when she says, "I have to be."

Link chooses to ignore the tightness in his chest at her words.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dialogue chapter, because I need to practice. after reading through this and editing it for a few hours, I realize that I'm shit at dialogue. wow. not even rewriting it fixed the weird flow. oh well. it was really fun to write the characters here though.
> 
> Extra Notes:  
> \- Sidon was a fuckin delight to be around. great character. there is also riju appreciation, because hell yeah, she's only a kid and she's leading the entirety of the Gerudo? awesome. she might be ooc in this though, sorry.
> 
> \- this chapter is pretty much Sidon struggling to not open up and link just trying to sooth his own guilt by helping Sidon with his. link is using Sidon as his coping method and it's sorta working, but not really. slowly, link is starting to see that his way of thinking is different from others, and from there, the doubts begin to pour in.
> 
> \- also also, did y'all see the teaser Hyrule Warriors 2? dudes I'm so excited for it it's not even funny at this point. we got young impa, robbie, and even purah. and then we got the playable champions?? time for me to play the original Hyrule Warriors just to quell my excitement.
> 
> Not sure if I mentioned this yet, but uh, feedback and criticism is welcomed! Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
